Friday, November 20, 2009

My best friend Joseph

An amazing thing happened today, which has sparked my will to write an update. I have been avoiding an update for a few reasons and one of them was because I did not want to write about the passing of Dylan’s best friend Joseph, it just so painful. This loss has affected me dramatically and I have struggled to hold back the tears each day. A lot of this is because of our hard decision on whether to tell Dylan or not. Usually we tell him but in this case we have been seeking advice and up until today were adamant not to tell him. On the day I found out that Joseph had passed, it was Dylan’s 11th Birthday. I spent most of the day locked up in the bathroom streaming tears and hid from Dylan while he played with his birthday presents. Then by afternoon I sucked it up and we went to Dylan’s favorite place for dinner and a trip to Toys R Us in Time Square. That night I said to Joseph “I don’t know how to tell Dylan, I don’t think I can”. Well this morning, for some strange reason and with little thought, I told Dylan, I sat him down and told him that someone he was close to passed and how I had been trying to keep it from him. When I told him he said that he had figured because when he saw Joseph last time, he was very skinny and did not look well. He cried for about 30 seconds and then looked at me and said “It’s ok cause he is with Jesus, it’s really great there!” Now I am not very religious but Dylan is obviously, so I hugged him and said yes, he is ok and one day when you’re really old you will see him again. We went on with the rest of our day, I asked a few times throughout the day if he was ok, and how he felt about Joseph and Dylan responded in a calm and very matter of fact way that he was fine and it was ok. Later this evening, Dylan and I went to the lobby and as the elevator doors opened, guess who was there…Joseph’s grand parents! As we locked eyes I saw their concern, so I immediately told them it was ok…Dylan knows. They told me how worried they were to see Dylan and what they would do and say when he asked them for Joseph. I felt a flood of comfort, somehow I feel that Joseph encouraged me to tell Dylan today, knowing this would happen. He had spared his grandparents the pain of having to pretend Joseph was ok and saved Dylan the shock if he figured it out. Thank you Joseph, I know now in my heart that you are ok, that you’re here watching over and now I feel I can move on and so can Dylan. We will miss you so much, forever in our hearts.