Tuesday, July 17, 2007


One of those days I guess. I usually do so well despite the fact of where I am living, seeing so many sick children, then realizing that my own son is one of them. Children I know die very often, sometimes I cry instantly, other times I cry alone, and then other times I wonder why I am not crying at all. Then I have days like today, nobody died today but there are so many that are not doing well and it really breaks my heart. I fear that I too will be in that position, reality comes up and slaps me in the face. I should be happy right now, Tim and Cain will be joining us very soon and Dylan is feeling great, but when I get emotionally extra low like this I get scared that something bad is about to happen. Friends have noticed that over the past week I have been quiet and distant too, just wish I could snap out of it. Somehow, surfing the internet tonight ended up with me looking at websites of children that are not doing well, children I have met and some that I know very well. I don't normally blog on Dylan's website about my emotions too much, but for some reason I feel compelled tonight. I try and keep his website as uplifting as possible and skip the "sad" stuff focusing on the fun times and how great Dylan is doing...which he is for right now, but no matter how good Dylan is doing, there are always "sad" things going on around us all the time, just living at RMDH or going to clinic and seeing so many children with cancer makes me sit in disbelief that this is my world now, like as if I have been picked up out of my life and dropped into someone else’s. I don’t think you ever get use to it, you just deal with it and keep trying to hold your head above water. Please pray for all the children and adults fighting cancer, it is such a horrible beast.